Day 25: "Fight for Your Brothers"

Nehemiah 4:14-15
Nehemiah 4:14-15 "And I looked and arose and said to the nobles and to the officials and to the rest of the people, 'Do not be afraid of them. Remember the Lord, who is great and awesome, and fight for your brothers, your sons, your daughters, your wives, and your homes.' When our enemies heard that it was known to us and that God had frustrated their plan, we all returned to the wall, each to his work."

Day 6: "For You Are With Me"

Psalm 23:4

Psalm 23:4 "Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me."

This verse in David's psalm is a rock to me. I desire - I crave - to know that Jesus is with me every day, in each moment. It is not that I feel less capable or more capable dependent on His presence, it is more a matter of breathing. I don't feel like I need my God.

I need Him.

I am encouraged that David doesn't say he feels God's presence, because physically or emotionally feeling the nearness of God is not something I experience often. The valley of the shadow of death certainly doesn't sound fun. I have walked it; I know it better than His presence. It does not seem that presence of Christ would be near in such a place. But to David, it is not about feeling Christ near; rather it is knowing He is near though the feeling has come and gone. 

And yet, comfort is found in the rod and staff of Jesus. The discipline and protection of the Good Shepherd. Those tools bring a stray sheep close to the fold and force back the predators. For this reason, I am comforted when Jesus convicts me that I am moving far from Him, because I know He is bringing me back close, to where I am safe from sin's teeth.

Today I pray for you, as you read this. May the Lord direct you. May He comfort you with His presence. The valley you may be walking in may be the deepest and darkest one you have ever walked, yet I pray His perfect love casts out any fear that is in you. And may you always know the close abiding presence of the Lord who never leaves in the darkness.

-M.

Day 2: "You Who Fear Him"

Revelation 19:5

Revelation 19:5 ESV "And from the throne came a voice saying, 'Praise our God, all you his servants, you who fear him, small and great.'”

This is the last verse in the Bible that talks about fearlessness/fearing God. We wanted to start off this new year with the bookends of Scripture to possibly see a bigger picture. The first verse, as we saw yesterday, was a promise to Abram that he would be protected by God and he could trust in Him. This final verse near the end of scripture comes from the context of right before Christ's triumphant return to earth when He will defeat Satan, sin, and death forever, then bring His people home for good in His new heaven and new earth. This is a call to those who fear Him, to praise Him no matter how "small or great" your praise would be. I choose to be in that group of the servants who fear the Lord through all my days, not just near the end of time, but in everything I do. When I fear God, no earthly fear has power over me.

What do you choose?

-M.

[made new]

You have been made new. 

Reborn. 

Reimagined. 

Remixed, if you will. 

Your song does not sing the way it used to.

You consist of entirely different cells than you did 7 years ago. Think back and you will realize your ideologies, dreams, fears, and priorities have all changed in major ways since then as well.

Yet are you still you? Moreover, what truly makes you… you? I never said we wouldn’t get existential at some point on this journey.

Your soul is the essence of who you are and your body is a vessel. Make no mistake, God designed you to be exactly the way you are for a reason and how you look is part of His masterful system. But that body houses your spirit, your life, and the breath that continues to give oxygen to your blood to pump through your veins to let each part do its proper work.

God says that your body, as well as your spirit within you, used to have a nature of darkness. You were a child of wrath, rebellious, selfish, preferring your own way over God’s. Deciding you didn’t owe God every last second of the breath He has lavished you with as if it was yours to be in command of. This darkness was who you were.

But you have been made new. 

Remixed. 

Reborn. 

Rediscovered, if you want. 

Your eyes do not see as they used to.

Now you are “in Christ” as Paul says often. Meaning you take His name, His status, His identity, His inheritance, and His Spirit. You take the name of Christ upon you and bear it. You take on the status of a child of the Creator and Father. You take on His identity of beloved. Beloved beyond compare. You take on His inheritance of reigning with Him and being glorified with Him. I’ve heard it said that the Living One was willing to die so that the dead could become living ones. Finally, you are indwelt by His Spirit. You have the Spirit of Christ now in you. In charge of you. The spirit that once was your own to control is no longer so. You have been given a new nature, a new calling, a new hope, and a new path to walk.

You have been made new. 

Rediscovered. 

Repurposed. 

Reclaimed. 

Your will no longer belongs to you as it used to.

Your life is upside down, not to be controlled by your selfish desires and dreams. Instead, God’s Spirit infuses himself into your very veins and begins to fill you with His will and calling for your life. You were bought with a price and when you submit your will rightly to Him, He takes over. The best part is you will actually eventually enjoy it! You will begin to have a heart for the things God has a heart for. You will want to follow God’s calling for your life because your life will become an unknown adventure where the Creator of the world has the reins and means to let you do absolutely anything that could possibly honor Him. It’s freaking awesome.

You have been made new. 

Reclaimed. 

Redirected. 

And rewarded. 

Your glory no longer belongs to you as it used to.

The credits roll likely wouldn't have your name on it. You're not even quite deserving enough to be an extra in this film because the starring role of the hero is played by the Lamb who died to save the damsel in distress, a church with a torn veil who is not the spotless bride she once was. Yet somehow you are considered a co-heir and a child of this man who hung the stars but still prefers your daily company. It's a strange plot but a beautiful dance. There is no story yet to rival it, and your joy is His company and His presence for eternities on end. 

And yet as each eternity ends and begins anew and you are still with Him forever,

         have        en  re           ed.

You            be           new      

             will           made        again.

-M.        

On Unfinished Stories, Death, and Chocolate Milk

                I got my first tattoo several weeks ago. A few days before I turned twenty. It says “unfinished” with three lines between the prefix and the word. Like this: “un///finished.” It’s a symbol for me of a few things: 1. My story is unfinished. I have more life left to live as long as my spirit breathes inside this body and I want to remember that if I’m still breathing, I still have a purpose. 2. God finished it all on the cross (tetelestai, gk. – “it is finished”). Hence the three lines for the three nails Jesus took. 3. Everyone else in this world is loved by God, and He finished it on the cross for them too, and while they still breathe, their story is unfinished too.

My tattoo was sort of a way of saying goodbye to my teenage years and whatever, but it really is important to me. I really do want that message to be permanent and visible to me for the rest of my life. I put it on the inside of my wrist so that I see it every single day. There is no way I can miss it without closing my eyes the whole freaking day or tying my hand up in a scarf or something. It’s visible and it’s there. I want to make every day count like it’s the last day of my life.

Over three months ago now, a Christian homeschool mom in my community shot and killed her 17 year old son, her 12 year old daughter, and then herself. I knew the kids and the mom. I had been in plays with the kids. The son was one of my brother’s best friends. I still can’t find words to explain the shock of knowing that all of it happened, because that's not something you ever want to read in just two or three sentences, let alone cope with. There's no way to romanticize a murder-suicide of a dear friend. I totally believe that mental illnesses are medical problems that need more awareness and treatment. No questions asked. I also think there are deep emotional and spiritual elements to them too in many ways that need awareness and care. This mom; she ended up deciding she wanted her story finished. She didn’t want to keep reading and see how it goes.

It’s even more heartbreaking because in books, you’d usually want to keep reading at the most scary part or the most dangerous part of the story. You want to find out where the hero wins the battle and where they overcome what is dragging them down. We like reading those stories. They are some of the most powerful and inspiring to us. 

We live day to day, though, and if we see no change, we project that onto our own future. That nothing is going to get better. This is how it is. I want to read my next page of my story right about now. It’s been a rollercoaster for a while. I’ve gone through long spiritual droughts. I’ve walked through emotional pain and emotional numbness. I have lived in isolation and wondering if I am going to see the next day. It didn’t work itself out in the short few sentences I just wrote, like you might think in a story. It’s been years of a process. I’m only 20. 

There is so much left of the story left to write. And I have chocolate milk in my fridge right now, so I want to pour myself a glass and enjoy it! And keep reading the story God’s writing in my life. I have so many things I’ve already learned and still have yet to learn. I’m all too aware of my defects and shortcomings and character flaws, but those are just some of the things that make me, well, me.

Oh, but don’t get it mixed up at this part. I’m not the main character. I’d like to think I am, but truly the main character is the author of this story, and that’s Jesus Christ. I believe that He is real and He works in my life. If you don’t, that’s okay, I’m not offended! I hope you’re not offended that I believe that, and act accordingly with that belief.

See, if God’s the main character, His story is still playing out too. And it’s so cool that His story includes us in, like, actually important ways. His story is unfinished, but the outcome will be the same because of the cross. He defeated sin and death and Satan and evil in general with two pieces of wood, three nails, a lot of blood, sweat, tears, and a sinless life. Oh, and a love that spans generations, that overlooks rejection, that ignores blame and slander, that breathes life into anything that even comes close to touching it, and that totally gives us all a second chance to live our lives – for His glory and our blessing.

I almost got a second tattoo when I went in to get my first one – a vine of flowers. They symbolize new life, and milestones I’ve gotten to. Maybe someday I’ll actually go and get it done, but I got really lightheaded twice during my first one and almost passed out. Character flaw, maybe? I don’t really care.

Read along if you’d like. The stories I post here are never very linear – they could include ramblings from really any point of inspiration in my life that I could care to share about. Sometimes they will be light and sometimes heavy, like life. Sometimes you’ll hear a poem in the making in the way I write, and other times I’ll be straight and to the point. Here’s the point I’m gonna make now. Don’t get this twisted: it’s not my story. It’s His. And I’m gonna write what He tells me to and I’ll write it for His glory, not mine.

Crazy Months (and new adventures)

Hey all!

How have you been? We're sorry for leaving you all in the middle of October and never coming back (just kidding, I'm writing right now!!!)

Last time I hung out with you guys, it was the middle of SEPTEMBER (oops) and I had just been getting into a new school and work routine for my life. I haven't written here since then because I've been writing in other ways!!! (Like songs and spoken words!!! And another project that I'll tell you about in a minute...)

ON CLASSES: They're going really good for the most part! I still really am not loving my 8:25 music theory class (and that's not even that early!). We are done with Aristotle in our English class and only have one more paper and one presentation for the semester!!! We're looking at Ethics in my "university success" class and at the person of Jesus Christ in theology. :D

ON MUSIC: I've written two songs here at school!!! Both were homework assignments. :P I also am really looking forward to learning how to use the tech equipment we have in our new RECORDING STUDIO!!!! I really love the band that I'm a part of - it's so much fun to jam out with other people who love and follow Jesus and want to lift Him high the same way you do!

ON OTHER FUN THINGS: I was in a play!!!!! And I am currently doing a writing project called "NaNoWriMo!" That's an abbreviation for National Novel Writing Month. The goal is to write 50,000 words in the month of November. That's 1,667 words a day!!! So the writing side of my brain is a little shot currently. I hope to blog at least a few more times here in November; but I apologize in advance if I end up under a rock the whole month!!! Maybe I'll post a little excerpt from the rough draft here sometime this month :D

ON THE HOLY SPIRIT: The Holy Spirit has been more present in my life in the last few weeks than I've ever felt Him. I used to worry about my salvation because of how sinful or messed up I was, but the fact that I hear the Holy Spirit's conviction so often in my, I am more assured and confident in my salvation than ever! I'm also more convinced of the things that God is calling me to do; even when I don't want to do it or feel uncomfortable doing it. (Especially when I feel uncomfortable doing it!)

ON SLEEP: Is it normal to fall asleep in the middle of the day and accidentally sleep for THREE AND A HALF HOURS??? I've done that twice in the last ten days.... (hehe oops). Hey, at least I didn't sleep through any classes!

ON MY NEW SISTER!!! We're adopting my baby sister!! We've had her in foster care for over a year now and on Friday, we are officially adopting her!!! I'M SO EXCITED GUYS!!!!!!!! (Can you tell?)

ON SIMPLEX STUFF: I have a post in my mind about Identity that I'm hoping to work on soon!! So you all can look forward to that! :D Also life gets simpler and simpler the more I think about it. Here's a new little perspective on what simplex means to me lately:

"The world gets crazier and crazier. God calls, 'talk with me.' 

Your life circumstances get heavier, Jesus says, 'I died for those.' 

The culture whispers to you to enjoy yourself, the Holy Spirit cries, 'deny yourself.'

It's a simple sentence. But the fact that it's from the Lord of the galaxies makes it astronomical."

Thanks for reading! Talk to you all soon!

-M.

The Beginning...

Hey everyone!!!

GUESS. WHAT.

(I started school. Like three weeks ago.)
*cue screaming*

Don't worry, it's not bad screaming!! Well, mostly not bad. I did kinda forget how hard school in general is. But most of the past month has been really really awesome!!

ON WELCOME WEEK: I moved in... I met my roommates... I met about 3000 other people whose names I will never remember... I did SO MANY welcome week events (Including a worship night, a movie night, and a concert!!)... and ate way too much free pizza.

ON CLASSES: I have an english class where we make memes that connect to aristotle. I have a "university success" class where we're gonna play clue in a few weeks!! I have a theology class where we talked about dreams of aliens and zombies. I'm super stoked about voice lessons. And I have not one, but TWO classes dedicated just to writing music!!

ON HOMEWORK: I already have a song due for songwriting this weekend :| and I have a speech TOMORROW in my English class!!!

ON CLUBS: I'm going to join a guitar club!! I have had a guitar for 8 months and haven't learned to play it yet. I want to join a Frisbee club but I haven't found one yet that fits my schedule. (Noooo.... I need my Frisbee!!!!)

ON FOOD: The food here is way too good... let's just say I've eaten a lot of chicken sandwiches and had a few too many drinks from Jamba Juice :P

ON GOD AND THE START OF COLLEGE: I'm having a blast. It's crazy, it's busy, and it's more difficult than I ever really anticipated. (I've already had one night where I stayed up till 3am to finish homework...!) But it's the beginning of the rest of my life. I'm SO excited for what God's gonna bring me not only this year, but throughout the college experience for me. He's already teaching me so many new concepts and drawing me into a closer relationship with Him. I can't wait for more.

The Candlelight Dedication service for the Freshman class

In summary, I started college. But there's so much more that God has in my story. And knowing God, He's gonna make it AWESOME.

Thanks for reading! See you guys next time!
-M.

On FIVE DAYS TILL SCHOOL (!!) and Moments that Change You

This might not turn out as well as I'm hoping, but here goes nothing...

Hey everyone! M. here!!!

(So just to confirm how awful my motivation/inspiration/will to write is currently, I wrote the two sentences above TWO WEEKS ago and then was sidetracked for the day and then I forgot about them and then I continued life as usual and then I procrastinated and then I CAME HOME and then I started packing and can you tell that blogging hasn't been a priority lately????)

How are you all doing? Comment below with your lamest pun involving a banana, a buffalo, and a pair of socks. :D

GUESS WHAT?!?!?!?! I move into my new dorm in 5 (five) (cinco!!!) days!!!
I can't believe it. I'm literally dancing in my room right now. (And you can't prove me wrong cause you're not here to see it! So there.)

Anyway, on to my simplex observations of the day!

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Life is funny. It changes so quickly yet we expect it to stay fairly consistent. We expect our perceptions of the world to be consistent, which really is the strangest thing to expect at all!! This is because our perception and our "brain filters" or "worldview lenses" are always being added to with each new experience every day.

Think back to a year or so ago. Didn't you feel so much younger, or immature, or less knowledgeable? Well, that's because, obviously, you were younger. You probably were more immature. And you were definitely less knowledgeable, whether in head knowledge or experiential knowledge. And all of the moments in the last year of your life have brought you to today! And each moment is going to move you forward. To some degree, what you ate for breakfast today actually is going to change the outcome of your life!!!!

But don't freak out - it's NOT THAT BIG OF A DEAL. Something that trivial is probably not going to change your life in a negative or positive way. It's a more neutral event in the grand scheme of your years of life. But there are some events, some moments or days that leave a mark on you.

And you are forever different because of it.

Maybe it was a moment in first grade when you made an awesome friend - or an "enemy for life." Maybe it was your first day at a job. Maybe it was a graduation or the receiving of an award that you worked really hard for! Maybe it was the day when someone close to you died. Or maybe it was a period of time when you struggled with doubt or anxiety or depression. Maybe it was a moment of laughter you shared with a friend. Or maybe it was the week you spent at youth camp.

Whatever it was, it changed you. And it's so weird that we expect consistency in our own lives when we have moments or days like that.

I had more than a few days like that this summer. In fact, my whole summer was an experience that changed me!! Going away for a month to a place out of my comfort zone, to a job that fulfilled me and exhausted me simultaneously, and to a spiritual craving for God unlike my usual walk with Him really grew me and stretched me in ways I didn't expect or ask for.

I'm finally home and have had a week to get back "to normal;" just in time to start packing up for school! But a recap is always necessary for me to really get some good closure.

Here's a short little list of things that hit me this summer during my summer job/weekend trips home/vacation with family:

• It's actually ok to be homesick!!!! (In the past I viewed it as a weakness and therefore to be avoided like the plague. But it's real and it's healthy!)
• Hard work doesn't always pay off. But wise work does.
• The timely encouragement of a friend is worth more than gold!!!
• Car drives were made for loud music. And singing at the top of my lungs.
• Taking pictures was one of my coping methods. And also one of my ways to save up priceless memories. 
• I really really love the visual aid of life as a story to remind myself that Jesus is a better author than I'll ever be.
• I missed my piano SO MUCH over the summer!
• I had some long days at work, but the last week had one of the hardest because I was so spent of energy.
• My time spent with God was different because I was in a place of daily reliance on Him much more that I do at home. And I want to trust Him that much all the time, recognizing that every little thing I have is from His will.

This summer changed me. God changed me in a good way, though the path wasn't sunshine and rainbows all of the time. In fact it was often clouds and downpour, both figuratively and literally!! But now I see life a different way and it's brought me closer to God and to other friends!

And now, in just five days, I'm going on another new adventure. God's called me to the school I'm headed for and He's opened every single door I've needed to follow that calling. And I can't wait to make so many memories and have those moments that change me forever as God molds me into the girl He wants me to be.

See you guys next time!!
-M.