Enough

"Dear God,

I tell you almost every day that I love you. I just forget a lot of the time that you love me too. 

You love me enough to make the right song play on the radio. 

You love me enough to give me a mind to stretch when I'm learning. 

You love me enough to give me a voice to sing about you. 

You love me enough to put people in my life that bless me all of the time. 

You love me enough to hurt me. It's kinda weird, but even though you cause me pain now, it will save me from worse pain later. 

You love me enough to correct me when I'm wrong. 

You love me enough to let me smile when I see a paper clip. 

You love me enough to let me rebel against you because you'd rather have a free will praise you than a puppet.

You must love me a lot. You died for me. 

Why don't I FEEL your love? I have to fake it sometimes. I desperately want to feel loved. Let me feel it. 

Amen. -M."

I wrote this in my journal almost a year ago. Lately, the thought that just keeps popping up in my head is that God loves me enough. 

Not too much. 

Not too little. 

Just enough is how much Jesus loves me. It's a lot, obviously; more than I can imagine, but it's the exact amount that I need. 

How do I even comprehend the love of Jesus? He created me, knows my past, my fears, and my scars. He knows who I was.

He knows the masks I wear and the true me. He sees me as I am today, not as a work in progress, but as a child of His, "holy and dearly loved" (Colossians 3).

He sees the things I desire, but He knows best what I need. He understands the dreams I have for my life, but it will be His story that turns out better than I could have ever imagined. Jesus loves who I am going to become in Him.

So, Jesus loves me with an incomprehensibly perfect love. Yet it's not too much. I think that there is no limit to God's love, and that's how much He loves me.

* * * * * * * * *

And you. (Yes, you!)

God loves you enough. Enough to time something just right in your day. Enough to give you the family, friends, home, and possessions you have now. Enough to write your story, however it may look like, exactly the way it is.

He loved you enough in your past to let you make mistakes and to learn from them. He loves you enough today to give you freedom to choose whether you will obey Him or not.

He will love you enough tomorrow to let you live the BEST life ever. I know it's the best because God planned it for you. :)

It's enough to bring a smile to your face or a tear to your eye when you realize He's using each moment in your life to say, "I love you SO much."

Why don't we believe this? Why don't we FEEL like God loves us so much?

Well, I don't know. (Really? SO HELPFUL!! Just kidding.) Some days I get it. I understand that God loves me and life is beautiful. Then some days I feel like God ditched me and ran to the other side of the universe. What's the deal with that? I have a few possible explanations.

Most of the time, when I feel distant from God's love, it's because I ran away. Not Him. Then I'd get mad at God and push Him away, and then I'd have to pretend everything was fine at a moment's notice when anyone asked how I was doing. So that might be one reason why, if God feels far away from you right now. But that's just from my personal experience.

The other theory I have was inspired by the a page in the book "My Utmost for His Highest" by Oswald Chambers. This particular day I read about how Christians should have faith instead of emotion. The author writes, "If we continually try to bring back those exceptional moments of inspiration, it is a sign that it is not God we want. We are becoming obsessed with the moments when God did come and speak with us, and we are insisting that He do it again." So days like this one were truly a blessing from God, but we can't expect them to be the norm. Chambers goes on to say , "Never live for those exceptional moments - they are surprises... We must never consider our moments of inspiration as the standard way of life - our work is our standard."

Sometimes, I think God lets us feel unloved (not become, mind you) in order that our faith might be strengthened. He still does love us unconditionally and watches to see if we'll believe that and continue to live in joy, even if we're not happy.

I know it's the song everyone's sick of now, but Oceans by Hillsong is a great summary of this idea. "Your grace abounds in deepest waters, your sovereign hand will be my guide," the song says. Trust that God loves you enough when you don't feel it. He hasn't left you.

Make sense? I hope it does. Thanks for reading!

-M