I'm back! Did you miss me? M. here with apologies for all but abandoning my readers, but E., L. and I went to camp together last week! (More details below) Now let me tell you a day by day account of the past two weeks. :)
Sunday, May 17th - First camp practice! I blogged the story on the STELLO blog. Find it here. After practice, I went to a friend's house to study for finals on Friday. We had a blast, and it was a great start to the week!
Monday, May 19th - The last Monday at work. I had to say goodbye to the kids in my classes, which was super sad. I didn't study much, though I should have. I was not in a great mood. Then as I was reading back through my journal, I found an entry from a year ago. That was the day one of our foster girls left. She had become my buddy and I still miss her so badly. All in all, not a great day.
Tuesday, May 20th - I coached swim lessons in the morning, studied a little, said goodbye to another class at work, and kinda just chugged through the day. Again, not the happiest day. I was starting to get really tired and wanted the week over.
Wednesday, May 21st - A full circle day. If you haven't noticed, dates are important to me. I look back on where I was a month, two months, three months ago; you get the idea. My "monthly anniversaries" for the 21st went along these lines: I got a part in my senior play, had to deal with my choir dissolving, performing in my senior play, and starting a bible study. This month, it was my last day of working at the gym for the summer. I studied almost the entire day and stayed up late to keep studying.
Thursday, May 22nd - What a day! I had my final in the morning. I felt like I did my absolute best on the questions. It felt good to work hard and be done. Then E. and L. and I went out to lunch together and hung out at my house for the afternoon. I had a wonderful day talking, singing, and growing closer to them. (Right now, I'm listening to "Life is Beautiful" by the Afters and it's a perfect description of what I felt that day)
Friday, May 23rd - GRADUATION DAY!! I had the morning to do my nails and get my things together. I had rehearsal in the early afternoon and then a few hours to do my hair and makeup. It was kinda stressful but also really fun. Then we got to actually do the ceremony that evening. It took forever, but it eventually ended and I got to exchange hugs and smiles with the friends who had come to watch. After that I went to a party with my friends and we talked, danced, had a fun night in general. I got to bed about 2:30. :)
Saturday, May 24th - Graduation Party! I shared a party with two of the other graduates and we had a beautiful event in the afternoon. There was delicious food and lots of friends. One of the graduate's older brother was giving boat rides out on the lake outside the clubhouse, which was super fun. I also got to go to a second party later in the evening.
Sunday, May 25th - I crashed, finally. :) My mom and I had a vendor event for the morning and afternoon where we were selling our Jamberry nail wraps. I was so tired from the weekend that I fell asleep super early after we got home! Before I went to bed I read the devotional for the start of camp the next day. I thought about my "mask" and it all kind of hit me that evening. I was tired and stressed about the week ahead.
Monday, May 26th - First day of camp!! We stretched, danced, sang, talked, and got to know new friends. I tell the whole story here. Each night of camp, I stayed up and blogged about how the day went, then I frantically tried to gather everything for the next day. SO, though I don't talk about that on the other blog, I entered the week already tired and got even more exhausted as the week went on.
Tuesday, May 27th - I started asking the girls what they thought of the day in one-word descriptions and shared their opinions on the blog along with mine. It was cool to get other perspectives. Tuesday, we ripped up our jeans, where each mark was added to represent an imperfection in our lives. It was a really reflective night for me, but not necessarily in a good way. One of the highlights of the day was getting to dance freestyle to a few songs. It opened up my mind in a new way and though I'm sure I looked awkward, for just a little bit, I didn't feel like it!
Wednesday, May 28th - Everyone laughs when we talk about Wednesday now. It was a turning point for a lot of the girls. Early in the afternoon, our director brought the wooden cross to the center of the stage and told us that we had the chance to take our mask off. Not our prop masks, the real ones in real life. She told us that when we were ready, we could go pray at the altar then hang our mask on the cross. Then she walked away and let us pray while the lights were lowered and some music was playing over the speakers.
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I didn't fully share my perspective on the other blog post, so I'll tell it here. I was caught off-guard when our director set this all up. I wasn't surprised, but I didn't really feel ready. I sat in my seat, frozen with fear. Taking my mask off would mean changing my life drastically. L. was sitting near to me and I knew she saw me wrestling with this decision. She later told me how she wanted to help me, but she was also afraid. In that moment, I guess I felt abandoned; alone in that room full of friends. Several songs went by and our director walked forward again. She told the girls who had already hung their masks up to pray with each other. She gave us a little more time and I finally felt ready. I slowly and tearfully stumbled up to the cross, hung my pretty purple mask up, and tried my hardest just to not collapse on the stage. I barely got back to my seat before one of my friends wrapped me in a huge hug. I lost it. I didn't even know who it was, but I finally didn't feel alone anymore. I clung to her and she sat with me for the next several minutes. We didn't have to say anything; we didn't have to hide anymore. Then our director walked back up with the most joyful smile. As I brushed the tears from my face, I realized that apparently the same thing I was experiencing was happening in the whole room. The director saw the love of Jesus being spread in an extremely genuine way, as many girls who didn't know each other just a few days before prayed together, embraced each other, cried together, and were being unconditionally real with each other. The masks were off. It's one of the moments I'll remember the rest of my life.
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Thursday, May 29th - Tech day! We ran through the concert twice that day, learning the places we needed to be and trying to tweak stuff so that the concert would go smoothly. The coolest moment for me on Thursday was watching this video and listening to this song. When the girl in the video cried out that Jesus is alive, I felt so freed! The song breathed some life into me and brought the biggest smile to my face.
Friday, May 30th - Concert day. Where do I start? We got ready throughout the day and practiced songs in little blocks. Early in the afternoon, our director told us that we were doing our hair too pretty. The goal for the concert was to show that we aren't perfect, but God uses us when we take the masks off and just be real. She helped us basically destroy our pretty put-together hairstyles, till we looked like we just woke up. When only one girl had her hair really messy, it looked funny, but as a choir (along with our ripped jeans and masks) we looked pretty intense.
Right before the concert we sat down and prayed. We listened to "Let Them See You" by JJ Weeks, which was another one of those full circle moments for me. Just a few weeks ago, I played and sang this song for our voice recital, and I've been learning to live it out this semester, too. It brought my focus back to Christ's glory.
Concert time came. Some girls couldn't find their masks. Microphones weren't working. People forgot lyrics. Some of the girls had breakdowns. I felt like we were in a battle. The devil did not want this night to go over well. He saw where our hearts were and did everything he could to stop us. The first act was tough to get through, but we did make it. During intermission, many of the girls finally cracked and were crying backstage. I prayed with several girls, then our director cut the intermission short and asked us to go sit on the stage. She asked the audience to come lay their hands on us as she prayed. That moment showed me a glimpse of eternity. What other concert do you find that kind of thing? Anyway, the second act was one of "genuinality" and we truly left it all on stage, singing in awe of God's wonderful power. We didn't have any more tech issues that I knew of and the rest of the concert was much more peaceful.
Overall, graduation was an exciting week turned stressful turned wonderful! Camp was intense, freeing, and simply a God-encounter experience! However, after the concert, if kind of finally hit me that this was my last concert as a student with this choir. I floated through the rest of the evening in a sort of a daze. I still don't really think I've accepted it.
The past few days have been a similar daze. I've slept a lot! But let's be real. Camp was about being real, right? I didn't live "happily ever after." I'm confused and tired. I want to say that I know God's got it under control, but I don't know if I truly believe that at this point. For now, I'll leave you with the lyrics to my favorite song from the concert:
Thanks for reading!
-M.
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I love hearing from you! Please keep comments on topic and use respectful language. Thanks for following this blog! -M.