Thoughtful

Hello friends! M. here! What? We haven't talked since last year?

Oh. Right. About that....

I wish I had a valid excuse but life is just busy sometimes. I've been involved with work, school (I'm taking intro to psychology right now, and it's simultaneously fascinating and incredibly boring), thinking a lot (about psychology, Jesus stuff, future decisions, etc.), and trying to begin to prep for heading to college in the fall.

I've been thinking a lot lately.

I kind of wanted to post on what I've been thinking about. So much has been on my mind, the range of situations and contexts and ideas and theories and hopes and worries couldn't all be described in just a simple blog post. However, this will hopefully be a snapshot of them.

I've been thinking a lot about personality theories and type, because it's been in my assignments for school. Through the study and self-assesment I have been struggling with a sort of identity crisis because I really wanted to know which type I fit best with but I also didn't want to get it wrong. I want to know why I think and act the way I do, where I fit in the world, and the way I can best honor God.

I've been thinking a lot about plans for school. I've been making lists of lists that I need to make of the things I need to do before school! (Crazy much? Yeah.) I can't believe how excited I am to go to college in the fall. Honestly, this opportunity, the degree program, the financial situation, and every fine detail feels like the perfect fit and more God-orchestrated than what I could have imagined.

I've been thinking a lot about Grace. It's the theme this semester at our choir and getting to learn it as we begin the year has been more impactful than I can put into words. There is a sort of natural, raw, untainted beauty about how the person who was epitome of perfect chose to be scarred for my sake, and continually pours out mercy to me each morning.

I've been thinking a lot about thinking. I have so many questions. How can a thought honor or dishonor God? Can I control my thoughts? Can I change the way I process and deal with information? Is it healthy to think so much? Why is the world inside my head so loud?? 

I don't know the answers to questions like these. And if you know me, you know I hate saying I don't know the answer to a question.

Everything in my life seems kind of random right now. My work schedule isn't very routine, my schoolwork changes after only short periods of time, and my thoughts are flying in every direction. "Why does life have to be so crazy?" I ask over and over again.

Then I remember there is only one thing. In the end, this chaos will fade and the questions will no longer matter, and I will see Jesus. And He is King, and nothing else matters.

Yeah, some peace and some rest would be great right now, but He is King and is doing what's best.
Yeah, the answers would be great right now, but He is King and doesn't have to answer to me.
Yeah, having more routine and less stress would be fantastic, but He is King and there is Grace.

"Be still and know I am God." 

(Psalm 46:10)