Hey ya'll!
(I'm listening to country right now)
If you remember Summer Testimony or My Crazy Summer, I'm expecting this to be the same type of post. :)
I started the summer wondering if God would have a theme again. It's funny because I had already been learning about God's love that whole semester in bits and pieces not really realizing yet how much more I had to realize. I mean 'Jesus loves me this I know' right? I thought I knew basically all there was to know by the time I turned four. I was definitely wrong!
As the semester ended I remember feeling pretty lonely and like I hadn't really been part of a group all semester. I was going to all these end of the year events and graduation parties and I didn't have ton of awesome memories to share, and suddenly I was finding out that a lot of my friends had started dating each other.
I actually started my new blog this summer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If you haven't seen me post about it before, Never Fatherless is my new blog about grief and God's love and related stuff... you can read the about page here.
I had a lot of Dr. Visits for the early part of the summer all related to my broken foot (which is totally functional now, with just occasional pain). This is what kept me from being bored all the time! Not that I didn't have anything to do, it just bugged me that I wasn't leaving my house a lot because I get a little stir crazy when I don't get out and see people.
In May a lot of my friends graduated. I'm gonna miss them so much! I was kind of upset about the number of my friends who graduated because I was still building friendships with a lot of them and I was scared that I wouldn't really have friends around this fall.
I was also struggling with a lot of fear and trying to learn to clearly hear and obey when God speaks to me.
The week before I went to camp with my church I was getting really frustrated about this crush I had and wasn't really calming down like I should have. So I went to youth group and talked with my leader about it and she recommended that I stop thinking about it and spend time with God reading and thinking about scripture instead. She recommended Psalm 139. (Thank you friend!)
As I read it day after day I was blown away by the personal, thoughtful way the Psalmist described God's love for him. I began to realize more clearly what care God takes for me, what attention he gives me (and all of His kids). Yeah, I didn't feel the need to worry about that boy anymore! Who can be desperate for anyone's attention and acceptance when they truly realize God's love like that?
Let's read it:
To the choirmaster. A Psalm of David.
O LORD, you have searched me and known me!
You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
you discern my thoughts from afar.
You search out my path and my lying down
and are acquainted with all my ways.
Even before a word is on my tongue,
behold, O LORD, you know it altogether.
You hem me in, behind and before,
and lay your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
it is high; I cannot attain it.
Where shall I go from your Spirit?
Or where shall I flee from your presence?
If I ascend to heaven, you are there!
If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there!
If I take the wings of the morning
and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
even there your hand shall lead me,
and your right hand shall hold me.
If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me,
and the light about me be night,”
even the darkness is not dark to you;
the night is bright as the day,
for darkness is as light with you.
For you formed my inward parts;
you knitted me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works;
my soul knows it very well.
My frame was not hidden from you,
when I was being made in secret,
intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
in your book were written, every one of them,
the days that were formed for me,
when as yet there was none of them.
How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
If I would count them, they are more than the sand.
I awake, and I am still with you.
Oh that you would slay the wicked, O God!
O men of blood, depart from me!
They speak against you with malicious intent;
your enemies take your name in vain.
Do I not hate those who hate you, O LORD?
And do I not loathe those who rise up against you?
I hate them with complete hatred;
I count them my enemies.
Search me, O God, and know my heart!
Try me and know my thoughts!
And see if there be any grievous way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting!
(Psalm 139 ESV)
O LORD, you have searched me and known me!
You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
you discern my thoughts from afar.
You search out my path and my lying down
and are acquainted with all my ways.
Even before a word is on my tongue,
behold, O LORD, you know it altogether.
You hem me in, behind and before,
and lay your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
it is high; I cannot attain it.
Where shall I go from your Spirit?
Or where shall I flee from your presence?
If I ascend to heaven, you are there!
If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there!
If I take the wings of the morning
and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
even there your hand shall lead me,
and your right hand shall hold me.
If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me,
and the light about me be night,”
even the darkness is not dark to you;
the night is bright as the day,
for darkness is as light with you.
For you formed my inward parts;
you knitted me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works;
my soul knows it very well.
My frame was not hidden from you,
when I was being made in secret,
intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
in your book were written, every one of them,
the days that were formed for me,
when as yet there was none of them.
How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
If I would count them, they are more than the sand.
I awake, and I am still with you.
Oh that you would slay the wicked, O God!
O men of blood, depart from me!
They speak against you with malicious intent;
your enemies take your name in vain.
Do I not hate those who hate you, O LORD?
And do I not loathe those who rise up against you?
I hate them with complete hatred;
I count them my enemies.
Search me, O God, and know my heart!
Try me and know my thoughts!
And see if there be any grievous way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting!
(Psalm 139 ESV)
I was gonna write more, and maybe I will later, but I'd rather leave you with that. Would you read it a few more times though? Let it really soak in. I have read it over and over and it blows me away every time! Even after a summer of reading it over and over I was blessed by the reminder when I read it today.
Okay, I'm gonna go. Keep reading scripture! and feel free to comment!
-L.
