Remembering 2016

Thinking back over this year is kind of crazy. This semester has been so different from any other in my life, including spring of this past year.

This spring I was in a totally different choir from the one I'm in now, (nearly all of my closest friends at the time were in that choir with me) I was taking Ballet, and interning with the ministry I was in choir with.  I was taking Chemistry, I'd taken on my first two roles with over 50 lines in stage plays (in total I had to memorize over 300 lines this spring), I was in voice lessons, and I was missing my speech club like crazy. Then, sometime in March, I broke my foot in ballet class. Surprisingly enough, the only things I quit were ballet, and PE, but the rest of my spring and summer filled up with Dr.'s appointments, x-rays, and physical therapy, I wore a medical boot for about 9 weeks and then my mom bought me Birkenstock's and fancy running shoes as recommended by the foot doctor. [There are perks to everything;)]

In May, I auditioned for a more classical choir and they accepted me! That same month I published my first post on Never Fatherless. That's when I started to really open up about my Dad. I didn't really know how to talk about him before and I'm still learning but I'm excited to keep sharing my heart, especially with those with similar stories. The same month a lot of my close friends graduated. I was so scared of losing them! Somehow it wasn't as bad as I thought. Not all of them moved away, and I've made new friends. I'm a little scared for next May but I know God will take care of me.

In June I went to camp with my Church. Told that story a bit in my Father's Day post and A Hug from My Father. Basically, through camp, I learned that God loves me more than I knew, that I still miss my Dad more than I knew, and to lean on my church family for support because they love me too.

Later in June my physical therapist cleared me for normal activity including Dance, and I went to a Christian performing arts camp. I loved it so much! We had these worship times every day when someone would lead singing and we could sing along or pray or even dance as a form of prayer/worship. I danced a lot and I think it helped free others to do the same so it was exciting to see God use me in that way.

In July, I went to the home school convention in my state and hung out with the people who would become some of my closest friends. The last day of convention was the last time I saw one friend ever. M. mentioned in another post how he was shot along with his mom and little sister. I plan to share more on that later; I've written a lot about it, it's just hard to know how much to share.

I started with my new choir in August, and a friend visited from Australia around the start of school. I rejoined speech and debate and decided not to do Ballet this school year in light of scheduling. I also received my first lead role in a Shakespeare play, and started working on that. I went to two bridal showers in September and two weddings in October. Also in October, I helped my sister shop for a wedding dress!!!!!!!!! :D

November (oh yeah, I thought a lot about the election in all this time but enough people have talked about that online. You're welcome!) I performed in that Shakespeare play, and my sister got married. Yes, it's weird not having her around anymore, we'd both lived in the same house since birth until she got married. Her husband rocks though, and I loved being a part of their wedding, even with all the stress. Some of the family who came to town stayed for Thanksgiving. After the wedding I applied for the worship band at my Church but they said that they don't need me. :(

Then came December, Last minute shopping, a Christmas concert, final projects and tests, and finally the end of school for the semester. Some family returned for Christmas but had to leave early, while others stayed. So we had two Christmases with extended family. My brother even stayed to ring in the New year with us! I went to two beautiful Christmas eve services and read the true story in Luke. The idea that kept coming up in what I read and heard was the reliability of Christ. He became flesh, he was tempted just like us, he even had to grow up.

This year I learned that God loves me (and you) a lot, he crafted us in his image and when we messed it up, he came not only to be with us but to be like us. He not only became like us in what we experience but he took the punishment for our sins so we don't ever have to experience it.

I've learned to trust God more; he keeps coming through, doing things I didn't expect, reminding me that I don't have to have it under control or know what's going on, because he does. I guess that's why I've been more positive recently. God is doing some good work in me!

I've also been learning about the body of Christ (the Christian Church) and how we are supposed to work together. I'm learning to reach out to others more, taking the risk of telling people when I'm struggling and asking for help and encouragement. I've also been reaching out to encourage others recently but I've still got a lot more to learn there.

I don't know much about next year but with how this year has gone, I'm pretty excited! M. and I are really excited about an idea we have for the blog, but you'll read about that tomorrow. hehehe.

Okay, I've talked long enough! How was your year? What are some of your hopes and goals for 2017?

Happy New Year!
L.

[made new]

You have been made new. 

Reborn. 

Reimagined. 

Remixed, if you will. 

Your song does not sing the way it used to.

You consist of entirely different cells than you did 7 years ago. Think back and you will realize your ideologies, dreams, fears, and priorities have all changed in major ways since then as well.

Yet are you still you? Moreover, what truly makes you… you? I never said we wouldn’t get existential at some point on this journey.

Your soul is the essence of who you are and your body is a vessel. Make no mistake, God designed you to be exactly the way you are for a reason and how you look is part of His masterful system. But that body houses your spirit, your life, and the breath that continues to give oxygen to your blood to pump through your veins to let each part do its proper work.

God says that your body, as well as your spirit within you, used to have a nature of darkness. You were a child of wrath, rebellious, selfish, preferring your own way over God’s. Deciding you didn’t owe God every last second of the breath He has lavished you with as if it was yours to be in command of. This darkness was who you were.

But you have been made new. 

Remixed. 

Reborn. 

Rediscovered, if you want. 

Your eyes do not see as they used to.

Now you are “in Christ” as Paul says often. Meaning you take His name, His status, His identity, His inheritance, and His Spirit. You take the name of Christ upon you and bear it. You take on the status of a child of the Creator and Father. You take on His identity of beloved. Beloved beyond compare. You take on His inheritance of reigning with Him and being glorified with Him. I’ve heard it said that the Living One was willing to die so that the dead could become living ones. Finally, you are indwelt by His Spirit. You have the Spirit of Christ now in you. In charge of you. The spirit that once was your own to control is no longer so. You have been given a new nature, a new calling, a new hope, and a new path to walk.

You have been made new. 

Rediscovered. 

Repurposed. 

Reclaimed. 

Your will no longer belongs to you as it used to.

Your life is upside down, not to be controlled by your selfish desires and dreams. Instead, God’s Spirit infuses himself into your very veins and begins to fill you with His will and calling for your life. You were bought with a price and when you submit your will rightly to Him, He takes over. The best part is you will actually eventually enjoy it! You will begin to have a heart for the things God has a heart for. You will want to follow God’s calling for your life because your life will become an unknown adventure where the Creator of the world has the reins and means to let you do absolutely anything that could possibly honor Him. It’s freaking awesome.

You have been made new. 

Reclaimed. 

Redirected. 

And rewarded. 

Your glory no longer belongs to you as it used to.

The credits roll likely wouldn't have your name on it. You're not even quite deserving enough to be an extra in this film because the starring role of the hero is played by the Lamb who died to save the damsel in distress, a church with a torn veil who is not the spotless bride she once was. Yet somehow you are considered a co-heir and a child of this man who hung the stars but still prefers your daily company. It's a strange plot but a beautiful dance. There is no story yet to rival it, and your joy is His company and His presence for eternities on end. 

And yet as each eternity ends and begins anew and you are still with Him forever,

         have        en  re           ed.

You            be           new      

             will           made        again.

-M.        

Christian Community #3: Love One Another [continued]

If you missed The begining of this post check it out here:Love one another

Love is not rude

 So love is kind.

Love is not self-seeking

 So love is about giving, not receiving; not having our needs met and desires filled but about serving others.

Love is not easily angered/irritable

So love is patient.

Love keeps no record of wrong

So forgive freely.

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

So let's push each other to God's righteousness and truth never to sin or temptation.

Love always protects 

So let's look out for each other.

Love always trusts 

So don't be quick to disbelieve someone or call them a liar but ultimately trust God with every relationship you have.

Love always hopes 

Love doesn't give up.

Love always perseveres

Still doesn't give up.

Love NEVER ends.

The love that God commands reflects his perfect love for us like we talked about in I am Loved.

-L.

Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. 

- Ephesians 5:1-2

Christmas Community #3: Love one another

Hey ya'll!
Happy December! [My apologies to all subscribers for recent technical difficulties! Hope you enjoyed the flashback to May 2015 and weren't too confused by the Thanksgiving post that I published twice.] Well I have a real, new post for you today! Please enjoy!
-L.

On Unfinished Stories, Death, and Chocolate Milk

                I got my first tattoo several weeks ago. A few days before I turned twenty. It says “unfinished” with three lines between the prefix and the word. Like this: “un///finished.” It’s a symbol for me of a few things: 1. My story is unfinished. I have more life left to live as long as my spirit breathes inside this body and I want to remember that if I’m still breathing, I still have a purpose. 2. God finished it all on the cross (tetelestai, gk. – “it is finished”). Hence the three lines for the three nails Jesus took. 3. Everyone else in this world is loved by God, and He finished it on the cross for them too, and while they still breathe, their story is unfinished too.

My tattoo was sort of a way of saying goodbye to my teenage years and whatever, but it really is important to me. I really do want that message to be permanent and visible to me for the rest of my life. I put it on the inside of my wrist so that I see it every single day. There is no way I can miss it without closing my eyes the whole freaking day or tying my hand up in a scarf or something. It’s visible and it’s there. I want to make every day count like it’s the last day of my life.

Over three months ago now, a Christian homeschool mom in my community shot and killed her 17 year old son, her 12 year old daughter, and then herself. I knew the kids and the mom. I had been in plays with the kids. The son was one of my brother’s best friends. I still can’t find words to explain the shock of knowing that all of it happened, because that's not something you ever want to read in just two or three sentences, let alone cope with. There's no way to romanticize a murder-suicide of a dear friend. I totally believe that mental illnesses are medical problems that need more awareness and treatment. No questions asked. I also think there are deep emotional and spiritual elements to them too in many ways that need awareness and care. This mom; she ended up deciding she wanted her story finished. She didn’t want to keep reading and see how it goes.

It’s even more heartbreaking because in books, you’d usually want to keep reading at the most scary part or the most dangerous part of the story. You want to find out where the hero wins the battle and where they overcome what is dragging them down. We like reading those stories. They are some of the most powerful and inspiring to us. 

We live day to day, though, and if we see no change, we project that onto our own future. That nothing is going to get better. This is how it is. I want to read my next page of my story right about now. It’s been a rollercoaster for a while. I’ve gone through long spiritual droughts. I’ve walked through emotional pain and emotional numbness. I have lived in isolation and wondering if I am going to see the next day. It didn’t work itself out in the short few sentences I just wrote, like you might think in a story. It’s been years of a process. I’m only 20. 

There is so much left of the story left to write. And I have chocolate milk in my fridge right now, so I want to pour myself a glass and enjoy it! And keep reading the story God’s writing in my life. I have so many things I’ve already learned and still have yet to learn. I’m all too aware of my defects and shortcomings and character flaws, but those are just some of the things that make me, well, me.

Oh, but don’t get it mixed up at this part. I’m not the main character. I’d like to think I am, but truly the main character is the author of this story, and that’s Jesus Christ. I believe that He is real and He works in my life. If you don’t, that’s okay, I’m not offended! I hope you’re not offended that I believe that, and act accordingly with that belief.

See, if God’s the main character, His story is still playing out too. And it’s so cool that His story includes us in, like, actually important ways. His story is unfinished, but the outcome will be the same because of the cross. He defeated sin and death and Satan and evil in general with two pieces of wood, three nails, a lot of blood, sweat, tears, and a sinless life. Oh, and a love that spans generations, that overlooks rejection, that ignores blame and slander, that breathes life into anything that even comes close to touching it, and that totally gives us all a second chance to live our lives – for His glory and our blessing.

I almost got a second tattoo when I went in to get my first one – a vine of flowers. They symbolize new life, and milestones I’ve gotten to. Maybe someday I’ll actually go and get it done, but I got really lightheaded twice during my first one and almost passed out. Character flaw, maybe? I don’t really care.

Read along if you’d like. The stories I post here are never very linear – they could include ramblings from really any point of inspiration in my life that I could care to share about. Sometimes they will be light and sometimes heavy, like life. Sometimes you’ll hear a poem in the making in the way I write, and other times I’ll be straight and to the point. Here’s the point I’m gonna make now. Don’t get this twisted: it’s not my story. It’s His. And I’m gonna write what He tells me to and I’ll write it for His glory, not mine.