Who I am

Hello dearest readers!

M. here. It really has been over a month since I last shared with you guys... and I have officially run out of excuses. Sorry. :/

I've been in my head too much lately, and I've been aware of it. So I started trying something new where I write out stuff that's going on, in my head and in the world.

"I need to get out of my head."

"It's too quick, too random, too MUCH in general. I just can't think a thought because all of the sub-thoughts that follow drown it out."

I made a list of the main thoughts and sub-thoughts (and random connections) that had been floating around that day and drew arrows that connected different points. Off to the side, I wrote, "But in the end, your grace covers it all?"

I ended that last sentence with a question mark, because sometimes I don't feel worthy of God's grace. Okay, I almost ALWAYS feel unworthy of God's grace. My levels of self-confidence and self-worth are fairly connected, so when I feel good, I get prideful (bad) but when I am humble, I'm also usually feeling worthless (also bad!). So I made three more lists...

List 1. I am:

• Busy
• Stressed
• Tired
• Sore
• Distracted
• Selfish
• Prideful
• Uncaring
• Alone

Without Christ

So this list was a description of how my day-to-day living feels when I don't let Christ in.

List 2. I am NOT:

• Worthless
• Hopeless
• Too far gone
• Identified by my past
• Broken beyond repair
• Defeated
• Ugly
• Stupid
• Who I make myself
• Just a story
• A failure
• A waste of God's time
• What others think of me
• My makeup, clothes, or hairstyle

Because Christ says these are lies.

This list was just a needed reminder of the countless things the devil is trying to get me to believe that simply aren't true.

And finally... List 3. CHRIST calls me:

• Redeemed
• Treasured
• Faithful
• Loving
• Caring (This and the last two are struggles for me; Christ's GRACE alone makes me able)
• To die for!
• A masterpiece
• Beautiful
• "The resurrection with skin" (We have the power that made Christ rise from the dead inside of us!!)
• Part of the best Story
• Victorious
• A child of His
• A co-heir with Christ
• Identified by His grace
• Selfless (along with faith, love, and caring)
• At peace (stress doesn't need to control me)
• Renewed
• His delight

And I am worth it ALL to Him!

So, yeah. Basically Christ's claims are more important to me than the craziness going on in my brain. I think I might do this writing thing more often... :D What would you add to these lists?

I'll close with a quote of L.'s from a recent Bible study: "It must be insane to be God!" :D
See you next time! (Hopefully it won't be another month... I'll try, friends! I'll try.)
-M.